Kendall Jenner “Ends Racism” | A Scarlet Breakdown

If this is what happens when a Kardashian/Jenner gets woke, then please take another valium and stay the fuck ASLEEP. If you haven’t already seen this Pepsi ad where white saviour Kendall Jenner saves the world, please be aware of the mort that you’re about to see. A cluster fuck of scarlet is about to enter your head, zapping your brain cells at a rapid-fire speed, killing … Continue reading Kendall Jenner “Ends Racism” | A Scarlet Breakdown

Galway Girl – A Scarlet Unpacking

800 years of oppression. The Famine. Louis Walsh. The 8th Amendment. 50 years of The Late Late Show. Linda Martin. The Catholic Church. So. Much. Mort. And now we have to deal with Ed Sheeran’s, ‘Galway Girl.’ ‘Galway Girl’ is a subtle terrorist attack on Ireland that will slowly wipe us all out from scarlet fever, leaving only those immune to scarlet, alive. This short list … Continue reading Galway Girl – A Scarlet Unpacking

Oscars 2017 – Scarlet Recap

What a time to be alive! Here’s our: Top Five Most Scarlet Moments From The 2017 Oscars. 5: Justin Timberlake Trolling Everyone No better man to kick off the scarlet than JT. He barged into the auditorium like a man possessed, singing his anthem, ‘Can’t Stop The Scarlet.’ And in fairness, he can’t. He not only managed to make the worst song of all time, MORE annoying, he also went on … Continue reading Oscars 2017 – Scarlet Recap

Scarlet for Democracy

Trump is doing great, isn’t he? Best ever. Tremendous success. Massive hands. Definitely not mentally ill and Melania looks so in love. These are what Trump’s team would call alternative facts or what normal, non-psychotic people call TOTAL FUCKING BULLSHIT. Alternative facts do work for some things, like resumes and Tinder profiles. Since Trump set foot in the White House I have spruced up my resume with … Continue reading Scarlet for Democracy

Top Five Scarlet Moments from the Golden Globes

5:  White people being dumb as fuck. I’m surprised Pharrell didn’t drop to the floor and have a cringe attack after this. This is a video of Jenna Bush confusing the movie Fences with Hidden Figures, two of the biggest movies of the year starring black actors. Just in case Pharrell didn’t hear her, Jenna proceeded to say it another 420 times while also groping his shoulder and asking … Continue reading Top Five Scarlet Moments from the Golden Globes

We Need To Talk About Linda

No, we REALLY need to talk about Linda. We were actually in the middle of writing a list of Ireland’s most scarlet moments when we realised it was almost ALL about Linda Martin. So, we decided to scrap the rest for now and just focus on Ireland’s true scarlet beacon. Here are Linda’s top five most horrifying moments. 5: Why The Fuck? Why me? Why fucking us, Linda? Linda … Continue reading We Need To Talk About Linda

Scarlet Shit List

As “fuck you 2016” memes flood Instagram, Facebook statuses reach new levels of narcissistic scarlet, and Snapchat filters teeter on a not-so-blurry line of blatant racism, we, at the Scarlet Brigade find ourselves desperately strapping onto a hitching post waiting to see the calm in the eye of the shit twister that was 2016, à la Helen Hunt, 1996. But if the dude from “Big Love” … Continue reading Scarlet Shit List

Dear America

Dear America, It’s me, your uterus. Or, well. Your collective uterus. Your daughter’s uterus. Your wife’s uterus. Your mother’s uterus. Your granddaughter’s uterus. YOUR UTERUS. You know, the one that makes the future happen? the one that each and every one of you incubated in for months? Yeah, that uterus. When you go to the polls tomorrow, please know that my future, that is, the … Continue reading Dear America

Enda Kenny – Rushed To Hospital

News just in to us at scarlet headquarters: supreme leader in all things scarlet, Enda Kenny, has been rushed to the Royal Victoria Eye and Ear Hospital in Dublin with reports he is suffering from being blind, deaf AND dumb (BDD), after people started asking him about repealing the 8th. His rambling and constant stupidity over the constitution as laid out in this article is what first got doctors alarmed. … Continue reading Enda Kenny – Rushed To Hospital