Let’s get real: there is an onslaught of scarlet all around us: all days, all times. Our “scarlet updates” try to capture the things that are making us cringe currently. Whether it’s in the news, politics, celebrity gossip, or just fucking need scarlet brigade attention- we will ring the scarlet alarm here.
Dear America, It’s me, your uterus. Or, well. Your collective uterus. Your daughter’s uterus. Your wife’s uterus. Your mother’s uterus. Your granddaughter’s uterus. YOUR UTERUS. You know, the one that makes the future happen? the one that each and every one of you incubated in for months? Yeah, that uterus. When you go to the polls tomorrow, please know that my future, that is, the … Continue reading Dear America
News just in to us at scarlet headquarters: supreme leader in all things scarlet, Enda Kenny, has been rushed to the Royal Victoria Eye and Ear Hospital in Dublin with reports he is suffering from being blind, deaf AND dumb (BDD), after people started asking him about repealing the 8th. His rambling and constant stupidity over the constitution as laid out in this article is what first got doctors alarmed. … Continue reading Enda Kenny – Rushed To Hospital
Dear Enda, I am writing to you as one of the thousands of Irish people living abroad who are demanding change for Irish women. I am writing to you to repeal the 8th. To repeal the shame and to help move this country forward to become a safe and progressive place to live for all citizens. The 8th amendment was voted into the constitution in Ireland … Continue reading Dear Enda
Lads! We’re fucking morto again, but in a good way. Thanks to the Littlewoods Ireland blog awards for officially nominating The Scarlet Brigade this year. The ceremony is on September 15th and we will be sending some stun huns in our place as we are too scarlet to go and also live abroad. We think ye should all start a kickstarter to get us home for the ceremony … Continue reading Scarlet For Ourselves
Police in Rio have issued an appeal for help in finding Irish man, John Delaney, otherwise known as “Delo Boy”, or “Yokemon” to those closest to him. Delo Boy has been on the missing list since Rio police issued a warrant for his arrest for being a scabby cunt. Delo Boy’s partner in crime, Pat “Soprano” Hickey, (President of the Olympics Council of Ireland), was knicked … Continue reading MISSING PERSON APPEAL- John ‘Del Boy’ Delaney.
Scarlet heads… IT’S TIME TO REPEAL THE SCARLET. GET UP!!!!! The world is FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKEDDDDDD. Everyone is wreckin’ the gaff. We here at scarlet hq are fucking SICK of it. The hashtags and facebook rants are great for getting the scarlet outta ya, keep it up. Hashtag till your fucking eyeballs fall out of your morto head, but it’s NOT ENOUGH! We are beyond fucking angry at the … Continue reading This Is 2016
#BREXIT has thrown the whole world into shock and panic. The biggest outcry however is coming from Cork people who are said to be fucking fuming they didn’t think of this first and are now looking to stage their own, “rebel referendum,” with the hopes of floating off onto their own secluded island, sparking the #CORXIT plan. Speaking at the #CORXIT rally, chairperson of the “People’s Republic … Continue reading Cork Plans Its Escape
Beyonce appeared at the CFDA fashion awards on Monday night and allowed us mere mortals to hear her speak, while Blue Ivy choreographed her latest resting bitch face. While they slayed, everyone else was as expected. A fucking mess. The Witches Of Eastwick Elizabeth Olsen escorted her grandmother’s Mary Kate & Ashley (who were nominated for womenswear ‘Designers Of The Year’ for their fashion line ‘Dead Inside’) … Continue reading Beyonce Speaks
It’s hard being Irish sometimes, isn’t it? First Dates Ireland does a great job of proving this theory too. Here’s our F.D.I – CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION report for episode 2. Conor & Laura Conor is a BASKETBALL player from LAOIS. I’ll leave that sink in for a second. Laura decides that the best place for her first EVER date to take place is on RTE. I already love … Continue reading First Dates Ireland – Episode 2
“Fuck sake, d’ya hear about this?” “What?” “The Boyzlife tour, if you can call it that. McFuckface and Duffy doing a “tour” of the Hilton hotels. Jaysus, that’s bleak. Even by their standards.” “I genuinely thought that was just a very expensive back to work scheme FAS was doing for ex boybander’s who have fallen on hard times.” “It doesn’t even make sense though, usually the … Continue reading Boyzlife Create New Levels Of Mort
