Facebook Statuses That Make Me Wanna Kill A Bitch

Facebook is basically an online library for scarlet. Below are some statuses we ACTUALLY saw on our timelines.

“It takes a couple of seconds to say hello, but forever to say goodbye”  (Shutupshutupshutpupshutupshutup SHUTUP, you dope!)

“Life is about falling. Living is about getting back up” (Please don’t get back up. Please stay on the fucking floor where I don’t have to see you, FOREVER!)

“Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.” (You know who life shouldn’t have offered a second chance to? THIS WANKER!)

“Our children are the future. Give them all the love in your heart and you will be rewarded with a smile” (Just because Whitney is dead does not mean you can now plagiarize the fuck out of her.)

The laws of the universe has a path laid out for me. This path is never easy but I know it will pay off one day(…with your death)

“Such a good Zumba class tonight. I worked so hard I can’t lift my tea right now. But I love it!”  (“Oh, everyone, LOOK AT ME. I work out and keep fit so well that I injure myself. That’s how amazing I am at keeping fit! Are you that amazing at keeping fit? Can you lift your tea right now? I’m judging you for sitting at home watching Dance Moms while I Zumba myself into paralysis”)

This time last year Bob was down on one knee. Little did I know I would leave that hotel engaged” (Did Bob getting down on one knee not give it away? Did you just think he’d collapsed or something?)

Image result for shut the fuck up

“Holiday shopping, oooh excited, stay positive peeps don’t let negative ppl bring u down happy gal x”  (The most bi-polar Facebook status of all time)

“Be careful who you open up to, they might just disappoint you…” (Ok, Oprah, someone’s feeling melodramatic today)

“Think my Friends list needz a clearin out. Sum ppl on here wan b friends and wudnt evn say hello to ya.” (ME, ME. PICK ME!!!!!)

“Safe to say Finglas people would love to be from town. HA #onlysumofus” (No one wants to be from Finglas OR town!)

“Trying to stop loving someone is like trying to remember someone you never knew”  (WHAT???? This is some Inception shit right here.)

“Where’s the days when you could dry your clothes on the washing line?” (Monday – Sunday in everyone else’s reality, except this guy, who lives in a world were washing lines were banned.)

#problemsarepartoflife” (Thanks for letting me know. I hadn’t realised until you just posted that on Facebook as a #tag.)

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