Did you ever get so fucking shitfaced drunk when you were in college that you actually became legally blind for about 20 minutes and ended up bringing someone home that made you violently ill the next morning when you caught a glimpse of them/him/her/it? We have all been there. It’s part of life. You have cringe attacks for about 3 days after and then you push it down, way, way down, the place you normally only reserve for “watching sex scenes with your parents in the room” moments and you move on with your life. 30 years passes by, you switch on Netflix and there’s your one night stand – KEN KRATZ. The number one most scarlet fucker leering at you from the oversize TV you bought. I guarantee there is at least one mortified 60 year old bitch in the world right now that this is happening to. Where do you go from there? There are a lot of victims in this mess lads. It’s not all about the Avery’s. I don’t know why this thought entered my head and I don’t know why I am writing it down. Let’s move on.
If you haven’t seen ‘Making a Murderer’ then GET THE FUCK OFF THIS PAGE, ’cause there is gonna be some spoilers up in here. ‘Making a Murderer” is the shocking true story of how police in Wisconsin cover up all the horrifying crimes Kris Jenner has committed over a 20 year span, in the hopes of getting a go off Kim. Well, not exactly but I bet that’s happening too. It’s really a heartwarming tale about how the world is fucked and so is everyone in it.
Here’s our top 3 scarlet moments from a list of about 7,869.
- Ken Kratz being a general prick: Can abortion being illegal really be an argument anymore after watching this prick for ten hours? Between his Ned Flanders mustache and the kiddy porn voice- the only thing not shocking about this documentary was the fact that ol’ Kenny was a pervo. Safe to say he’s canceled his Netflix subscription in the past month. Someone call the grim reaper quick and ask him for a favor.
- Brendan Dassey wondering what the fuck is going on: The grimmest thing about this horror show was Brendan Dassey getting locked up. Even IF Steven did kill Teresa and Brendan had a part in it (which I’m on the fence about daily. Today my thoughts were along the lines of “I fucking did it,” such is my paranoia of the human race after watching this). He is not only 100% on the spectrum, he IS the fucking spectrum. How could he have known what he was at!?! He came up with more stories than Shakespeare in the space of a few weeks. They could have got him to confess to killing JR. Also, I’ve watched enough Law & Order SVU to know that B.D. Wong should have been on speed dial to give this kid a psych evaluation. B.D NEVER gets shit wrong.
- The Sheriff’s department: Did the ginger lad off CSI train this shower of fucktards? 8 fucking days to search one room?? A blind person would have found evidence quicker than these twats. Then miraculously ol’ Sherlock Holmes turns up to find a key that’s somehow somersaulted from the back of NeverNeverLand to tie the case together for them. Tarantino couldn’t make this believable.
I have to pretend that “Making a Murderer” is fictional, otherwise me heart would be all weepy like a baby and I’d be crying the salty water from me eyes. As my future ex husband, Dean Strong said, “I hope he is guilty, the alternative is unbearable.”