Never Trust A Fart


One of our scarlet sisters spends her days creating a brighter future for the world by teaching youngsters. Some of her lessons are hilarious, but resonate with kiddos in a way that they’ll never forget- such as the unique technique for “finding a percentage from a decimal” game by cleverly drawing an arse:

Bum Math

The funniest part about this particular teaching mechanism is, that not long after teaching her kiddos about it- “morning math with Ms Scarlet”- Ms scarlet had a little problem with her own, actual bum.

Where things went wrong-the fart that got away.

it was of a monday. 9.30am. She thought she has seen the back of Saturday night. The worst was over they said. And then it happened, like Beyonce’s Formation, no one saw it coming.

Ms Scarlet “sneakily” let it rip in class, ironically, not long after drawing her percentage-creating arse on the chalk board. and, as it is with wisdom, in an unexpected moment,  learned her own very important lesson….

Racing to the teacher’s restroom, powered solely by fear, and in the safety of a little stall, she pulled down her (of course favorite) undies and much to her horror, discovered her fart had in fact, become a full-blown shit parade.

Ms Scarlet didn’t know what to think, or do. She carefully wiggled out of her shitty knickers, and with the grace of Lindsay Lohan on a night out, decided to try and rinse the shit off in the loo, using the flush of the toilet as her own private washing machine. Carefully perched over the loo, shitty knickers held down into the pot, she pressed the handle of the toilet and watched as the powerful flush ripped her favorite, now shit-covered booty short knickers out of her hands like a tsunami, and sucked them into the school’s septic system.

Questioning the legality of teaching minors with no underpants on, Ms Scarlet  pondered her next move for at least 90 seconds before remembering she had just read an “article” on Buzzfeed about top ten reasons not to wear underwear, and decided- fuck it,  for once maybe Buzzfeed knows what it’s on about.

Commando is a brave way to teach- so she pulled her pants back on and got back to her true mission of teaching arse maths to kids.

In the brave words of Sonia O’ Sullivan circa 1996 , NEVER TRUST A FART.

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