Anna Wintour’s 2017 Mort Gala took place last night and as usual, it was a masterclass in scarlet.
The theme this year was, “Fyre Festival 2017 – A Scarlet Lookback”.
Here is our pick of top ten knobbers of the night that’s going to give you all the Buzzfeed mort.
10: Caroline Kennedy
Caroline went deep in her look back at Fyre Fest and its origins, picking flowers from Coachella as inspiration for her scarlet sphere, while also smuggling crack and feral dogs under its layers ala Fyre Fest. She tragically had her hands cut off on the way into the event so she could know what it really felt like to be a Fyre Fest refugee.
Solange came directly from the festival itself, still in her sleeping bag which also doubled as a house for the festival. She finished off the look with a naggin of vodka and two yokes. When asked what her inspiration for the outfit was, Solange said “LIDL HUN, 8 EURO. ”
8: Donatella Versace
In a not so surprising turn of events, Kylie Jenner missed the memo on the Fyre Fest theme and instead came dressed in Versace. Literally. She had Donatella Versace’s face burned onto hers.
7: Kendall Jenner
Not to be outdone by Kylie, our reigning scarlet queen, Kendall Jenner stunned in an eco-friendly dress made from recycled Pepsi cans. The intricately made dress was laced together with cans she robbed out of the hands of Fyre Fest victims and tears of black people. She accessorized with white privilege and a freshly cut bob.
6: Jaden Smith
Fyre Fest veteran Jayden Smith arrived showing the tragic effects of the events and brought scarlet awareness to a whole new level. Here he is holding his dreadlocks, which he tragically lost on the way to the festival after his hair got trapped in the doors of his private jet. He lost most of his teeth in a shocking incident at Fyre Fest which saw him eat bread that hadn’t been toasted. Despite his smiles at the Mort Ball, onlookers say he portrayed a much stranger figure inside, shouting MURDER INC at random intervals and telling his Fyre war stories to anyone who would listen.
5: Celine Dion
No one has ever felt more than Celine Dion. No one has ever loved more than Celine Dion. No one will ever feel or love more than Celine. Celine couldn’t decide what feeling to dress as for the event, so she dressed as ALL THE FEELINGS, daintily stuck together with yesterday’s clothes pins. Buzzfeed are fucking lying to you when they say they can give you all the feels. Celine is the only person who has ever felt all the feels, therefore she is the only one who can ever truly pass them on.
Here she is dressed as all the emojis.
4: Clare Danes
Clare really stuck to the theme and wore toilet paper exclusively from the portaloos at Fyre Fest. It turned out Ja Rule had skimped on that too though and Clare was shocked to later find out she was wearing recycled kitchen paper.
3: Rita Ora
Anna Wintour really leaned in this year on their Fyre Fest theme, promising talent and fashion and instead providing us with Rita Ora. Rita came dressed as a scarlet gift that no one opened.
2: Katy Perry
In her most artistic activism since voting for Hilary, Katy Perry came dressed as a human period. When asked why, she preached, “to symbolise all the refugees at Frye Fest who were left without tampons.” When reporters informed her they could have just brought their own, Katy replied “It’s not my job as wokest of all the baes to tell other baes what they can and cannot bring with them. Yeah, we think we’re free. Drink, this one is on me. We’re all chained to the scarlet. To the scarlet. To the scaaaaarlet.”
1: The Skeleton Twins
In one of the most poignant moments of the night, Mary Kate & Ashley arrived paying tribute to the victims of the Fyre Fest tragedy by dressing as the Coachella corpses of all the starving millennials who lost their lives.
Honorary Scarlet Mentions:
Gwyneth Paltrow, who came dressed as actual Goop.
And P Diddy, who came as a living meme.
Special mention to Michael B Jordan who came dressed as all of my sexual fantasies.
All proceeds from this year’s Mort Ball will be donated to The Instagram Millennial Refugee Crisis.